Alonzo

This week there are three SOTWs. THREE! I know. It's thrilling.

SOTW numero uno is Alonzo (see above). He's a marvelous fellow who likes fog, Wales, whales, and Colin Firth. Speaking of Colin Firth, he is SOTW numero dos. There is a frightful website entirely dedicated to the man. It's kind of creepy, though, so I wouldn't recommend spending too much time there. I didn't actually make it past the top quote, but that was scarring enough. Maybe you'll have better luck. The third SOTW is the Pantycelyn fire alarm. It is overenthusiastic. I tried the being nice to it - no indoor bonfires, burning toast, sticking hairpins into electrical sockets, playing with matches - but it hasn't worked, so this week I am going to try a new approach. It may or may not involve Roman candles, potassium nitrate, and a hefty supply of lighter fluid.* 

*For the record (since I'm posting this on the internet and that tends to get people in trouble), I'm not actually going to light Wales on fire. It's called sarcasm, people. Get over it.

Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy-Warty Hogwarts

Good morning, sunshine.

I know that you have all been waiting anxiously for the day I would put up a picture that I actually took and isn't of a creepy hallway. Well, chums, today is the day. Try to contain your excitement. Really. It's embarrassing.

Have I mentioned to you that I go to school at Hogwarts? I do. There is a castle. Technically this building might have started as a hotel, not a castle, but let's conveniently forget about that for the moment. I go to school in a castle by the sea. Not a lot of classes are in the castle because it is a small castle, but one of mine is so you can all be jealous. Here is what I've learned about castles that J. K. Rowling either forgot to tell me or I forgot to pay attention to:

ONE. Castles are drafty. It might be the ghosts. It might also be that nobody thought to insulate them. Or it might be that somebody thought to insulate them, realized it was futile (I mean really), and gave up. Regardless, they are colder than a homeless seagull in Irkutsk.

TWO. Castles are crooked. Literally. I mean the ghosts might steal your money, or a rogue sheep might come in and eat it, but quite literally castles are crooked. It's nearly impossible to take a picture of them because if you line up part of the building vertically, it is guaranteed that another part will be uneven.

THREE. Because castles are drafty and crooked, they're a bit like ships. This one is next to the sea, too, so it smells mildly fishy. Next time you're feeling bored and craving adventure, go walk up and down the spiral staircases and say pirate-y things like "avast!" and "yar!" and "who drank the kraken??" I guarantee you will feel seasick in no more than twelve minutes. It's fun. I promise.

For the record yes, there are Mini Coopers at Hogwarts.

The Warden

Today's delightful SOTW is the Warden (Exhibit A). Yes, there is in fact an illusive Warden living on the first floor. Efforts to photograph the Warden in its natural habitat have recently been unsuccessful, so a picture of its lair (Exhibit B) will have to suffice. Wardens are a tricky species and this one seems to sense lurking camera lenses and atrociously faked Welsh accents, scampering off whenever it smells peanut butter or hears the words "Ron Paul" (both of which immediately indicate American presence). Rumor has it that this particular Warden moved in when the building was a mental institution (which would explain the mysteriously over-complicated corridors and unnecessary doors leading to nowhere), and never moved out.

Exhibit A: Warden Lair.

Exhibit B: Wardens can be found in mental institutions, jails, the Royal Forest,
leading Masonic meetings, and lurking around Welsh dormitories. 

Three things you didn't know about rugby.

Hello you beautiful charmers. Today the SOTW is Leigh Halfpenny. Why, you ask? WELL LET ME TELL YOU. He just scored against Ireland in the last 30 seconds of the Wales-Ireland match in the Six Nations Rugby Tourny. Which means Wales won. Thanks to him.

If you're as hopelessly ignorant about rugby as I am, let me tell you what I learned about the brilliant sport this afternoon: if you cheat you get chucked into the Sin Bin, if you win you are national hero, and if you lose you cry. Sometimes you cry if you win too. Also the announcers are both witty and insulting (why insults in an accent are somehow more witty escapes me), and do things like charmingly describe the pitch (completely unbiased, of course):

 "There is no snow in Dublin on account of Ireland being a winter-less, summer-less rock in the Atlantic where the people reside in a permanent state of anything-could-happen-at-any-minute readiness in fear of something which is commonly known as 'the weather'." 

That is about all I know. 

SOTW cyclone

Today, the SOTW is not from Wales. You're just going to have to deal with it because it is a cyclone of sheep, and that is too fantastic to pass up.

Sheeps who jump like badgers.

According to google, these sheep are 3 hours and 16 minutes away from me. HUZZAH! I don't think badgers actually jump, but I'm in Wales. Maybe Welsh badgers jump.